I am myself experiencing the transition of pregnancy and preparing for a new family; adapting to the needs of a remarkable new life gestating inside me preparing to be birthed into the world. My husband Davide and I are about to begin the awesome journey of sharing our universe with another being - one that will demand our love, patience, fearlessness, creativity and vision and so much more. And yet this is but one in the many series of transitions that will continue to pepper our lives and indeed yours, until death, the greatest transition of them all.
It is the ability to adapt and change as easily, elegantly and creatively as possible, which is the real survival skill of today. Managing the change and transitions that arise unexpectedly or otherwise in our personal lives is key to thriving rather than merely surviving, especially as so much is changing all around us so quickly.
Not only are we exposed to an overwhelming array of changes in domestic and national politics and economics everyday, but we are painfully aware of the increasing burden and threat of our way of living to the survival of humankind, our children and our children’s children. With increasing awareness of the continued levels of conflict across the world, the focus on fear and disaster in the media, we have lost much faith in the powers of humankind to co-create a world that is an inspiration and wonder to all. Within that loss of faith in the idea of progress we’ve also discarded the notion of the meaningfulness of the transition processes in our lives. In a world when the only thing that remains constant, is change, we have become blind to the sacred nature of change and transformation in our lives and its relationship to the larger patterns of transition in nature all around us.
We no longer hold a firm sense of the inner, underlying and natural unfolding process of change – the process of transition from one state to another, which is causing such distress, confusion and pain in our lives and for our loves ones. We are out of touch with the rhythm of our own lives and the natural process of transitioning from an old situation to something new; of dissolution and reintegration, disorganization and reorganisation, of destroying and rebuilding an identity. Throughout nature, growth involves spurts of acceleration and stagnation followed by dissolution and then re-growth and we are the same.
There are actually three very clear phases of change or transition, whether it be the dissolution of a life partnership, a change in career, an impediment to your health, your children growing up and becoming independent, the onset of retirement, the move to a different country or location, having a family or getting married. They are:
1. The ending of something
2. A period of confusion, chaos and disturbance
3. The beginning of something new
What makes it so difficult for most of us is that we do not fully and consciously complete the transition process so that we find ourselves in a constant state of personal transition – where much is left incomplete, unsaid, unresolved, unhealed. These unresolved feelings of regret, guilt, disappointment, resentment, confusion and their accompanied imaginings and shattered dreams then leak unconsciously into our new projects like a subtle poison. We try to start again, to build something new without real success – our projects can never really be fresh and rich with new possibilities because our foundations are so weak and spoiled. Without always knowing it, we are dragging the past around with us like some huge stone weight tied to our left foot. And then we wonder why we reproduce the same feelings, circumstances, patterns of relationship, over and over in our lives. Unless we can begin to really understand the process of transition and change and relinquish the past; realising and taking responsibility for our part in it, we remain disempowered and wounded. We are unable to express and live our true potential with utter aliveness and wonder.
It was this recognition of how I was myself repeating limiting patterns of behavior that made me so curious to explore the field of personal development and transformation, beginning 21 years ago. It was also one of the reasons that I was so drawn to pursue Life and Performance Coaching, later as a vocation, having realised so many amazing gifts, talents and life opportunities in my own personal transformation.
See my next post to learn: The Three Part Journey of Transition.
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